Good morning to you wherever you are. I am writing this on a rainy Monday morning in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
M and I worship with the Sherrod Ave. Church of Christ in Florence, Ala. We have been there for 11 years, ever since we moved to Alabama from Arkansas. Our Shepherds (elders) recently announced they hope to be adding additional Shepherds by the end of the year. I applaud that decision and feel we need to add new shepherds.
I have been thinking about writing ever since they made the announcement a couple weeks ago. I was blessed, honored, humbled to have been a Shepherd for two different congregations for a total of 11 years. First the West Ridge church in Pocahontas, Ark. and at Sherrod Ave. My father was a Shepherd for over 25 years. Her served two congregations as well, one in Missouri, and the West Ridge church in Pocahontas.
As we at Sherrod approach this important decision, I wanted to offer some thoughts, maybe some advice, maybe some regrets of my time as a Shepherd. I know some of the readers of this blog are currently shepherds, may have been a shepherd, or may be a shepherd in the future.
My two cents.
1 Timothy and Titus are not requirements, merely suggestions - Why do I say that? Easy, if Paul's writings about the qualifications were to be taken literally, the list would be the same in both books. They are not. Yes, some things are mentioned in both places, but many are mentioned in one book, but not the other. I feel rather than a checklist of qualifications, Paul is giving a list of desired attributes saying you want men with these types of qualities, who demonstrate this type of life.
The appointment should not be forever - Do I have a scriptural basis for this? No, I don't. But there is also no scriptural basis saying the appointment is for life either. We have all known men who served admirably as shepherds but came to a point where they just needed to step aside. Whether it be for age, for health reasons, or some other personal reason. I stepped aside for three reasons last year. For me, it was the right thing to do. There is no dishonor in stepping aside, just as there is no special honor for staying too long. As a shepherd, ask yourself why you are serving, is it for your benefit, or the people you are shepherding.
Make sure your wife is on board - I cannot emphasize this enough. Becoming a shepherd takes a lot of time and commitment, frequently at the expense of time with your family. This is a partnership; she needs to support you and needs to fully understand what the commitment entails. Here is a tough part. With most of us, our wife is our best friend. As a shepherd, you will be entrusted with information, made aware of situations that you just cannot share with her. If I needed to talk to someone about a certain situation, I would call my brother-in-law in Arkansas, who was (and still is) a shepherd. It helped talking to someone who understands what you are going through.
You are shepherding the flock where you attend, not another church - When I was a deacon in Arkansas, we had a situation where the other two congregations in town disapproved of an event we had planned. One of them even went so far to say if we went forward with it, they would quit supporting the local children's home, the organization the event was raising money for. One of our wise, seasoned elders spoke up during this shepherds/deacons meeting, and I will never forget what he said. He told us, "Our salvation does not depend on what another congregation thinks of us." Guys, that is wisdom. Do not let another church dictate what you believe is the right thing to do for your flock. Be strong, be united, don't be afraid.
Unity does not mean unanimous - Make no mistake, I am not saying there isn't unity. When a decision is made there must be unity. Not only is it necessary to present a unified front to the flock, but it is also a Biblical command. In my 11 years as a shepherd, there were many, many issues we were unanimous on. In fact, I would say that was true a majority of the time. But there were also times, when as a group discussing an issue, we were as divided as night and day. We might discuss it for two hours and no one had changed their position, so the issue might get tabled until the next meeting. I am against that, stay until it gets resolved. At Sherrod, for most of my time as a shepherd, there were nine of us. I remember being on the short end of numerous 7-2 or 6-3 votes. Was I upset the others did not see it the way several of us did? Sure I was, and I still maintain to this day the two or three of us were right in our convictions. But, once a decision is made, a vote is taken, if your stand was not chosen, you swallow your pride, because as I said earlier, it is mandatory to present a unified front.
Pick your battles - This goes along somewhat with what I just said about unity. My dad was a very, very wise man. When he passed away in 2009, one of his fellow shepherds came up to me and said, "your dad was an elder's elder." To me that spoke volumes about his character, which I of course already knew. Dad and I would have lunch together every Friday, often discussing being a shepherd, what it entailed. Much like King Charles is grooming Prince William, my dad was grooming me for what was to come. One of his pearls of wisdom was "pick your battles." In essence, what he was saying, if there is an issue you feel strongly about, give it everything you have, do what you can to convince the others. He was saying, there will be a lot of issues come your way, there will be some, that you feel so strongly about, you are willing to throw yourself on the sword. Be firm in what you believe in. I have several wounds to show for my battles.
Be prepared for criticism - This is hard, but let's be real, decisions will be made that are unpopular, whether it be disciplining a member of the flock, firing a staff member, or your refusal of a request. Someone is always going to be unhappy. This is natural, but as I will discuss later, deal with it in love. Don't be discouraged just because someone disagrees with you. I always worried if no one questioned a decision.
You are a sinner - You are not perfect, you make mistakes, some more serious than others, you are a sinner, just like those you lead. Remember your imperfections, don't be afraid to share them with others. It certainly helps build trust with the flock when they know you are as imperfect as they are.
Some members of the flock will gravitate to you - There is nothing wrong with this at all. At Sherrod, the nine of us had differing personalities, and let's be honest, there are personalities we just don't like dealing with. I'm the same way, and so it is with the flock. Within weeks of becoming an elder, I had several come to me and say if they had a problem or question, they were coming to me because "I was their elder." Be humbled by that but embrace it. There is nothing wrong with members of the flock having "favorite" shepherds. Remember, they are showing trust in you, and to be an effective shepherd, you have to have the trust of those you are shepherding. One last thing, I resigned as a shepherd two years ago, and I still have individuals coming to me to talk because they still consider me "their" shepherd. You know what, I listen and do my best to counsel them.
Be transparent and available - You probably know this more than anything I've said or will say but be available. That means get there early and be prepared to stay late. If you miss class because someone needs to talk, praise the Lord, you were there to talk to them. If someone has a question about a decision or has trouble with sin, explain the decision as best you can, pray with those who need someone to pray with. This is all part of the job, and let me add, a very rewarding part of the job.
Be humble - You are the leaders of the Lord's church. Guide, teach, but be humble. Do not be a Pharisee or a high priest, that is not in the job description at all. What is it James said, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." It is an honor to be asked to serve as a shepherd, but that does not mean you act like a boss.
Be diligent in prayer - As a shepherd probably the most important thing you can do is have a healthy prayer life. Pray earnestly for wisdom, for guidance, for all the saints you have been charged to shepherd. Pray for God's church, that everything you do as a shepherd is according to His will and is pleasing to him. Pray for those who are in need of prayer, be specific in your prayers to the Father. Remember, you can never pray too much.
Love - Our savior said the greatest command was to love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our mind and with all of our soul. The second is like it, to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is not rocket science. If we do not demonstrate love in all of our actions, then you have no business being a shepherd. With every person you engage, with every decision you make, for every discipline you hand out, do it first and foremost with an attitude of love. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians, "love never fails."
I hope this writing has been an encouragement to you, whether you are currently a shepherd, or perhaps contemplating your desire to be one someday if asked. If that is the case, may God bless you in that quest. But my thoughts come from my time as a shepherd, my observations of growing up in the church, and having a father as a shepherd.
If you have a question, or disagree with anything I have to say, that's fine. You know how to get hold of me if you want to talk about it.
Blessings my friends. Be kind to each other.
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