I just finished a big, well maybe 6 oz. glass of cold orange juice. I love OJ, I have some nearly every morning before the coffee pot starts up. It's refreshing. It helps me think. I guess I could use that as an excuse for having some tonight, shortly after 11 p.m. on this Monday night.
I could say I have a dilemma, but that is not exactly right, that would be an insult to dilemmas. I have two choices in front of me. One is clearly, 100 percent the right thing to do. No question, and I am confident when all this self-examination ends, the right thing is what I'll do. But here is the kicker. I have no desire at all to do the right thing.
Now for all of my church-going friends out there, and I know who you are, this not a question of right or wrong, sinning or not sinning. No this is a matter involving individuals and considerable time and travel. To tell you the truth, I'm tired and don't want to do it. I'd rather stay home.
All of us have been in a situation like this. Do what we want to do, or do what would be a better, more appreciative thing to do. Again, I know the answer to the question, and so do you.
To be honest, I'm a little surprised at myself. I have talked to M, and another close friend, hoping they would say, "you know Dalt, you're right, you really don't need to do this. Stay home and watch some college football and grill yourself some salmon." But they didn't say that. Not even close. M went so far as to remind me this was my choice, and mine alone. Ugh, why is it so hard being a grown-up. Why can't I just sit in my boxers and a t-shirt and watch Looney Tunes.
One reason is because I keep thinking what would Jesus do? Yes, the old WWJD makes a comeback from the recesses of my brain. I cannot look Jesus in the eye and say, "I'm sorry, I don't have the time or the desire to do this." He didn't really want to go to the cross either. No, no sympathy there.
The second reason is my dad. My dad had been gone for 15 years, dying of cancer in 2009. Many years ago, when I was still in grade school, maybe junior high, I did something that was wrong, very wrong, borderline illegal. It is amazing I didn't wind up in jail. It wasn't anything where someone was going to get hurt physically. But quoting one the three knights from the third Indiana Jones movie, "He chose poorly." I chose poorly.
But the thing I learned from that momentary lack of reason was my dad's reaction the following day. When he got home from work, he came to my room to serve justice. Or so I expected. Instead, he just looked at me for several long seconds and finally said, "I cannot tell you how disappointed in you I am."
Some things you never ever forget. Now, several decades later, I am an adult, a husband and a father. Those words are a daily reminder of the responsibility I carry as someone who is old enough to know better.
Generally speaking, I have a pretty good attitude on a daily basis. I have been blessed my whole life, and I see the positive in all things. But for some reason, I have had a case of me. This is not what I want. Where is the fun in doing this? Where is the reward? Why do I have to be the grown-up?
The answer is simple. So simple that several years ago Max Lucado wrote a book about the answer. "It's Not About Me."
I know I will do what I really don't want to do. Afterall, it's not about me.
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